i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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