Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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