I'm passing your future prison.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
