Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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