youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize