Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Found the puke drawer
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
