I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
