Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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