Umm I'm too high to move.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
