it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
