so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
