the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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