So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
