i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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