Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
