Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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