At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
