he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
