Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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