I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
