The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
