that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
