I'm going to jail i love you
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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