I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
