I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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