i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
