So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
