singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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