She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drunk is a universal language darling
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