He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
