mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
