I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize