i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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