sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
