We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
