U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
