ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
