im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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