Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
