I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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