just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize