I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
