So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
