I met the friendliest cop last night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize