Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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