Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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