She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
