As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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