I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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