when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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