I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
try to milk me bitch
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