Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
