It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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