I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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