it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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