you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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