Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
