the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
