I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
