thus making me awesome and them whores
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
