I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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