Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
