are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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