He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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