it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
