dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
